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And Here Is Why Neo-Cons Are Different From True Conservatives

 

By Reverend Rahelio Soleil

 

Everyone of us, no matter how favourable natural selection has been to our family, has a relative that was arrested intellectually at some point, which basically made him a perfect convert for neocon media.

At the drop of a hat they can recite a never ending stream of hollow cliches with the command and affect of a great right-wing giant. They have been Coulterized, Hannitized, O'Reillyfied, and Limbaumed.

It's like a rancorous fart. You know who did it, but there really is no polite way to mention it. The air is stymied by the sickening smell of arrogance and ignorance, laced with a bit of bigotry.

The best thing you can do is smile and resist attempting to educate the poor soul. There is a better chance they will make you dumber than you will make them smarter.

 

Anyone who has worked in an asylum knows that it is more likely that a crazy person will make you crazy than you will make them sane. Don't try. The frustration is not worth it.

But, if you must attempt a conversation with one of these neo-cult members, realize ahead of time that you do so strictly for the entertainment value, and never have an expectation for a fair exchange of ideas.

 

Neocons don't have ideas, they have memorized answers written by other people.

Think of neocons as being mentally retarded. It isn't their fault. Just because you're smart, well-read, and perfectly willing to accept reality for what it is doesn't mean you have to flaunt with those who are clearly incapable of reciprocating.

 

It's one thing to accept truth, it's another to ram it down the throat of someone who cannot digest it.

First, realize they live is a well fabricated dream. In their world Bush was elected in a landslice twice, the first time was such an overwhelming victory it took the Supreme Court to decide it.

To them, the fact that one million people watch Bill O'Reilly is a proof that America  has turned against those looney liberals - regardless of the fact that nine million people watch Oprah, over 20 million listen to Howard Stern, and the majority of Americans get their news from broadcast stations.

In the neocon's world Ann Coulter is our lady of peace, Jesse Jackson is a black pimp (which is a redundant phrase to them), and Democrat war veterans are less patriotic than Republican draft dodgers.

And, you must know that they are driven be fear, paranoia, and insecurity. You are not a neocon if these elements aren't beneath your politic.

 

On this one point you have to yield, because there paranoia is founded. It is true that all of the world hate them, are out to get them, and will be happier when they are removed from the planet.

 

It isn't just because they are ignorant and arrogant, it is also because they are pale, impotent, creepy, pudgy nerds who start fights they can't finish in order to prove their non-existant manhood.

This is completely the case, with a slight twist, typically female neocons are smarter and less bitchy.

 

The men look like perfect candidates for a mugging on the street, but neocon females have a look in their eye that says they could drop kick you, stab you with a fork, squat, and pee on the wound.

The thing that might annoy you most is that neocons know nothing about history. At very best their world starts in 1960, at worst it starts with Reagan's last term. This means you cannot discuss race, foreign policy, or social policy because their frame of reference will be too narrow for them to comprehend a broad argument.

 

Again, don't get frustrated. Remember, retarded.

Take care to speak in small sentences and employ simple words, lest they turn on you and call you "elite" or "intellectual." Both of those terms are perjoratives to a neocon, much in the same way that they consider indoor plumming to be high falutin' and toilet paper downright showy.

Keep your thoughts short. Think bumper sticker. War on Terror. Shock and Awe. Fair and Balanced. Reverse discrimination. Liberal. Socialism. Democrat. Al Franken. Michael Moore. Jesse Jackson. Elite media. Mainstream media 9/11.

Don't get wordy, neocons hate dictionaries as much as they hate encountering ideas they don't understand. You don't want to frustrate them too badly because neocons vote angry and this is something the world cannot sustain much longer.

You must realize that the entertaining part of having these discussions is reducing them to a puddle of adolecent angst, incapable of speaking coherently because you have made them so mad. I have done this often and it is lots of fun.

They start out attempting to have an adult meeting of the minds. Like a horny teenager they are full of hormones and zippy one liners.

 

You prod their bubble to see how fragile it is. As long as your statements can be quickly countered with something they heard on the Fox News Channel they are confident.

 

This is why you should know Conservative ideas better than they do; A neocon is an expedient sort, they haven't the slightest idea what an actual Conservative believes in the classical sense. After years of language abuse and an opinion chanel passing for a news source, they don't know what a liberal is either.

This is your advantage: Their respective media heroes are tabloid lightweights who have not rooted their ideas in Conservatism at all.

 

They are "new" conservatives, much like new money, none of the class and all of the vulgur affect. The neocon heroes are not scholars, or even thinkers for that matter, they are drive-thru media peddlers serving a million McDummies daily.

Another important fact to keep in mind is that neocons are impregnably duo-chromatic. Everything in their world is black or white.

 

You are with us or against us. You're for the war or a treasonous liberal traitor. You're a black republican or one of those welfare niggers.

 

Their house is built upon the fallacy of the excluded middle. The color gray does not exist, and the rest of reality's color palette is only mythical to them. You'll want to talk to them from the gray area because they can't handle it.

 

At best they'll call you "looney," "wacky," or other words that are admissions of their disabled ability to comprehend. If they actually try to see the nuances of gray inherent in the universe of arguments, and it factually discounts some of their choice one liners, you'll detect a solemn note of juvenile resignation.

There is also a clever bag of neocon tricks that I think most of us know by now.

There is the awesome straw man, whereby the idiot argues against "turning over our foreign policy" to other countries when what you actually suggested was diplomacy.

There is the ad hom, which is their favorite, they attack you personally rather than stick to the point in question. You say something like "I think we have to be careful about how we are perceived in the world" and they retort "you lefties really do hate America."

Then, there is the how-often-do-you-beat-your-wife question, which you cannot answer without admiting that you beat your wife - they love that one.

Other devices include the false indignation, mock outrage, empty patriotism, school yard name-calling, be-littling of ideas they don't understand, discounting facts from sources they don't like, interrupting you when you're making too much sense, and avoiding debating ideas by labeling them as communist, socialist, clintonesque, liberal, Liberal, or LIBERAL.

At the end of the day, none of this will bother you. You realize that a crooked profiteering media has pumped them fully of nasty half-truths that they weren't smart enough to reject.

 

They've been told their narcissistic prejudices are natural law and their pudgy minds are somehow linked to the greatest of America. It is not for you to ponder too much what retarded people believe, it is only necessary to understand they are retarded and prevent them from hurting themselves and others.

It isn't their fault, retardation is not a choice.

You'll do well to pepper them with facts and remain unemotional about the outcome. You will not change their mind because it is closed for the winter. Justify nothing and never attempt to teach them.

 

Their ignorance is stronger than your ability to help. Even Mother Theresa would couldn't help them, because, after all, she was liberal.

So, how do you know you've won?

When they are completely frustrated, babbling babies who mock and ridicule everything you say because they've realized they cannot battle you with facts, truth, or reality.

 

This is when they either ignore your reasoned statements, or attempt to have the upper hand by dismissing them all together.

 

When they shift from being mildly snarky and whimsical to being outright hostile you've got them where you want them. You've reduced them to into senseless babblers going down in meaningless flames, standing naked in their ignorance, shooting blanks instead of logic.

An intelligent man can listen to anything without getting angry. A neocon cannot. They live on anger and it is always beneath the surface. You prick their bubble and the bile will flow. Consider this a public service, something like popping a friend's zit. Make the popping of neocons a sport, it's fun.

And, if they kick you off their blog, you truly know you have bested them. The like to preach to the choir, much like a cult, any defection from their well protected and erroneous reality is a threat to their social order.

I've been removed from several neocon blogs and groups, not because I was disrespectful or rude (in fact, I weathered a great deal of vitriol).

All it took was entering their echo chamber and inserting small pieces of reality.

Neocons hate that. Thinking is hard. Damn lefties

 

Reverend Rahelio is a commentator on American life. He blogs as AmericanHotSuasage.

 

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