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Advice from a virgin veteran

 

By Shirley Vincent

 

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. As a matter of fact, I think it's kind of cool being  a virgin and remaining one for as long as you want to be one and for whatever reasons you may have to being one.

 

Remaining a virgin for whatever reason is a personal choice - be it

religious, traditional (the list goes on), it's your choice whether you are male or female.

 

It's your body and your decision. I believe that what you do with

your body is your personal choice and no one else will have to answer for what you do to it, except you.

 

As long as you don't feel  guilty afterwards or pressured into having sex and the choice to step out of  "virginhood", then the state of being a virgin is yours and there should be  no problem or conflict of interests, moral, values or whatever.

 

To the  virgins out there: all I have to say is more power to you. Be proud and don't  feel ashamed about being a virgin. Don't feel guilty or left out that your  friends are having sex and you're not. 

 

It may sound easier said than done, but be strong in your convictions.

 

When I was a raging proud virgin, my response to rny sexually active friends and relatives whenever they would  ask why I was still a virgin would be such that I was rarely or seldomly teased as a result about still being a virgin at 18 years of age.

 

What  did I say? Well what I said varied with the person, circumstance and whether I  wanted to go into detail with them or not.

 

My comments ranged from "I'm waiting  until I get married" or "Only the man I found worthy of my body, mind and soul  would make me want to..." or "I'm saving it for the man I love and when the love  is mutual".

 

 

When a virgin talks about sex  and having sex, that means she wants, or is anxious to lose her virginity?

 

I think not! That goes for anyone who talks about sex. Make the wrong  assumption about someone's conversation and you make an ass-out-  of-yourself. 

 

For example, when I was a virgin, there where times when I  spoke like a teenager that was sexually active. There were times when men would  not believe that I was a virgin nor ever experienced a French kiss.

 

I have never  regret a moment of the anticipation of my first kiss with the guy I really,  really, really liked.

 

Talking about the sexual experience and other sex  talk is outside the

realm of virgins, so they shouldn't be discussing it with  sexually active people.

 

Not really. Like George Michael said in his song, I  want your sex:

"Sex Is natural...sex is good.

not everybody does it...but  everybody should.

Sex is natural...sex is fun...

sex is fun when it's one  on one."

 

That goes for talking about sex, it should be natural to those who  are

comfortable with their own sexuality. Meaning: If you were taught that sex  was "bad" or "nasty' and should be discussed behind closed doors in a hush-shhh  manner or you were taught to be ashamed about sex, talking about it would seem  naughty or taboo.

 

Warning to virgins:  

 

Do not live vicariously through your friend's sexual lives to compensate

or make up for the one you  don't have. If you are proud to be one then stand tall and remain that way,

 

To the virgins out there; be careful how you flaunt your virginity before sexually hungry men, because they may just take it - before you're willing to give it up.

 

Shirley Vincent is a student at Rutgers University, New Jersey, USA.

 

Please e-mail comments about this piece to comments@thenewblackmagazine.com

 

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